Christian Jokes

I Don't Want To Go To Chruch

On a Sunday morning, Mom went to her son's room to wake him for church.

"I'm not going," he announced.

"Why not?" Mom asked.

"I'll give you two good reasons. I don't like them and they don't like me," he said.

"I'll give you two good reasons you WILL go to church," said Mom. "You're 48 years old and you're the pastor."

Show and Tell

The kindergarten class was given an assignment for Show and Tell. They were to share with the class an object which represented their religion.

The next day at Show and Tell, a boy got up and said, "I'm Jewish and this is a Star of David."

Then a girl got up and said, "I'm Catholic and this is a rosary.

Another boy got up and said, "I'm Methodist and this is a casserole."

How to Pray

A priest, a minister and a guru had a discussion one day about the best position to be in when you pray.

"The best position to be in is kneeling," said the priest.

"No," said the minister, "the best position to be in is with your hands outstreached to heaven."

The guru said, "The best position to be in is lying on the floor."

A telephone repair man was working on the lines nearby and overheard the conversation. "The best praying I ever did was handing upside down from a telephone pole!"

In Need of Direction

A twelve year old boy was waiting outside the grocery store for his mother to come out when a man approached him and asked if he could tell him how to get to the post office.

"Sure," said the boy. "Go down this street for two blocks, turn left, and the post office will be right in front of you."

"Thank you," said the man. "I'm the new preacher in town. I would love for you and your family to come to church on Sunday. I'll tell you how to get to heaven."

"Awww, come on," said the boy. "You don't even know how to get to the post office."

Wedding Party

A little boy was part of his aunt's wedding party. As he was coming down the isle during the ceremony, he would take a few steps, turn to one side of the isle, put his hands up like claws and roar. He would take a few more steps, turn to the other side, make claws with his hands and roar. He did this all the way down the isle.

When he got to the end of the isle, he was asked what he was doing. "I'm being the Ring Bear," he said.

Misbehaving Church Joke

A little boy was acting up during the morning worship service. His parents did their best to keep him quiet, but realizing they were loosing the battle, the dad picked up the buy and carried him out, up the center isle. All the way, the boy called out loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

Modern Technology

The preacher was fervently delivering his sermon. Wired for sound, but not wireless, he moved briskly around the platform, from one side to the other. As he turned, he would jerk the mic chord out of his way. One time he got caught up in the cord, nearly tripping. Trying to get loose, he whipped the cord around only to get it wrapped around his leg. A little girl watched in fascination then leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Bible Lessons - Christian Humor

A ten year old girl was getting more and more versed in the Bible under her grandmother's tutelage. But one day she had a question. She asked gramma, "Which virgin was Jesus' mother? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

A Compliment?

When my grandson was visiting, he asked me, "Do you know how you and God are alike?"

I smiled to myself, said, "No," and waited for him to compliment my godly character.

"You're both old," he said.